I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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