you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
