sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.