if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios