i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.