I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
