every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
