i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
