An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
