i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize