Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
