Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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