someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
