I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
