Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
