I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
