Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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