Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
