I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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