My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
