i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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