i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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