the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Did I show you my penis last night?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
