And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
