matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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