So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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