a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
