U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
