Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
