i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
