Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
