I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
