Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
