i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize