apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
