My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
