just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
