no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
