I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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