Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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