And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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