M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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