i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
