I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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