she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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