Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
