i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
