I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
