God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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