Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
