she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
