Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
