eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We were destined to go to rehab together
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
