I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
