Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
