wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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