I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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