Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My dad is sitting where you rode me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
