I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
