god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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