soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
