He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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