yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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