Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
