Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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