meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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