We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
