whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
