Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize