Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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