You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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